Last semester of college.

My last semester of college starts tomorrow. I can't say that I a thrilled to begin this semester because I'm not sure what it actually marks for myself. I will be completing time I've spent working on a degree but other than that tangible measurement I am unsure of what life will look like come May. Its kind of odd to think that life will not be measured by the times that I have classes or free time determined by the number of hours I have left to turn in a paper.

It seems that there are always people you meet before undergoing a transition that seem to depart a word of advice about the change you are about to experience, whether you want to have it or not. When I was about to start Middle School, I was warned that other girls my age were sometimes mean and unkind towards one another. When I started high school I was told that I would encounter many opportunities to "party" as well as when i graduated I was told I would never have it as easy as I had it during my high school days. Entering college I was told that I should take the time to find the right campus for me and that it was fine if I changed my major because everyone changes it at least once. Now as I prepare to leave college, everyone has told me I will miss it and will never have a time like it again. Its almost like signs on the highway that tell you how many miles away you are from something. Or the signs that say " Now entering (insert city of choice here)"

While I am writing this I am watching planet earth, the one produced by BBC. Its wonderful. God is freakishly funny and beautiful in his creativity. They should just let kids watch this in school and we would all grow up to be strong willed environmentalists.

Well friends, I am off to continue watching planet earth. Rent it, watch it, Recycle and plant trees.
later.

Favorite Christmas Music!

Favorite Christmas Records


1. Sufjan Stevens : Songs For Christmas
2. Mindy Smith: My Holiday
3. Rosie Thomas: A Very Rosie Christmas
4. Nsync: Home For Christmas
5. Yo-yo-Ma: Songs of Joy and Peace
6. Frank Sinatra: The Christmas Collection
7. Ella Fitzgerald: Ella Wishes You A Swinging Christmas
8: The Hotel Cafe Presents Winter Songs

You cant find these on itunes but check out myspace for...
9. Nashville friends doing christmas songs ( http://www.myspace.com/bigbeardchristmas)

10.The choir at your door (aaron roche and winston jazz routine) these myspaces haven't been updates since myspace only let you have 3 songs... so thats why they are all on 3 different sites.... this might be my favorite christmas record ever so don't let the number of myspaces turn you away.

part 1 http://www.myspace.com/thechoiratyourdoor
part 2 http://www.myspace.com/aaronynathan
part 3 http://www.myspace.com/aaronn39natdogpt3

20 mins to do this.

There have been at least 20 times in the past month that I've meant to get on here. Right when I sit down to right a million things come into my head that I need to be doing. I keep going back and forth in my head, trying to decide if I should close this window and start working on my to-do list.

Its finals season here in Nashville. This next week will decide if I make it to May graduation. Mainly two classes decide that future, accounting two and business finance. If you get the chance and want to pray that coffee kicks in and that I find good study places on and off campus, I wouldn't hate it.

Anyone want to trade?

I'm also heading home next monday so that will be fun to hang out with the fam for a couple of days before coming back to Nashville. I work at an apple retail store in Nashville, I started working in september and have really liked it, the only downside is that I have to work during christmas. However, I did get some time off after finals for a couple days and I'll get to go home and see my family and friends for a little bit. So if you are in Nashville after the 21st let me know cause I would love to hang out with ya.


okay later friends.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday. Everyone in my family comes together and hangs out for two days. It usually starts with my dad cooking breakfast for everyone. He has the worlds best eggs benedict. He started cooking today around 10 and didn't quit till around noon. They are so good. Then Mom takes over and begins cooking everything you dream about in a thanksgiving meal. The Aunts and Uncles come over and it seems like everyone rotates doing jobs while watching the football games and playing with the younger cousins.

Coming home for me is always an odd ritual. After 4 years of college I've thankfully become a different person and every time I go home its like a constant battle to not return to the role I played growing up in my family. By that I mean I remember the dynamic between my siblings and myself. The way all of us can get along, how their personalities drive me nuts and at the same time make me laugh. Its so easy for me to change into someone that took me 4 years to break away from. I know a lot of my friends struggle with that. I think in a way its a part of some hope we have to return to what we knew as children. When we still believed in a place that was home. Its not that I don't love my family, I just think in some ways we have all grown up in different directions from each other and every time we get together its like we are learning how to be who are now around each other. Maybe the transition gets easier as we get older, at least I hope so.


I was reading earlier and I thought I would leave you with this Freddy B quotes

"Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace"

I am waiting for hot water.

I woke up. stumbled to the shower. Walked in felt water on the floor. thats right lukewarm water.... which means....

someone already took a shower..... which means I have to wait for 30 minutes while the hot water tank heats its bad self right on up.

yes. In the meantime I thought I would glance around facebook and blogs, turns out not a lot of people are on it before 9am.

surprising? not really.

Anyway, not much has been going on here. I am in my last year of college and I honestly wish it was may, I hate going to class. Moreover I have homework. I love writing papers and i love discussion and actually learning things but I hate the pressure of 2 tests and a final to decide my grade which may or may not determine if I graduate... oh wait it does. awesome. Did I mention I'm awful at multiple choice. I mean a baby has a better chance or choosing the right ones. Anyway, so school is not one of my favorite things at the moment ....

Also for halloween I am going to be a cloud... or a sheep in wolves clothing if my friend amanda doesn't use it... one of the two.

pictures to come... well maybe.

Hot water is ready. I'm out.

Tragedy, Comedy and Fairy Tale

weird title. I know.

not so weird if its the title of a book. especially if its the title of my man freddy b's work. (fredrick buechner, check him out.)

this book is divided into 3 chapters as almost all of buechners books are. he talks about the gospel in three different ways

a fairy tale
a tragedy
and a comedy...


shocked aren't you.


I'm on the tragedy part, and i love it. there is something in me that loves finding out that I have something tragic in my making. you might not agree but let me explain. with tragedy comes hope. maybe its small, maybe we don't say it out loud or even think about it very long because to hope in the midst of tragedy is well...dangerous. Its also powerful and something in the deepest part of who I am loves these huge redemptive words, these exciting yet incredibly scary words. Its the same deep feeling I love when people talk about my version of holy things such as adventure, traveling, conversations that remind you how human we all are, and your general breathing in and out of life, the good and bad.

So I regress, back to the book. Buechner has some pretty great thoughts on the gospel and how somewhere in our understanding of it, the tone of tragedy must be listened to.


Disclaimer: these quotes tie together but are better in their entirety in the book.

That being said, i proceed...

The preaching of the gospel is a telling of the truth or the putting of a sort of frame of words around the silence that is truth because truth in the sense of fullness, of the way things are, can at best be only pointed to by the language of poetry- of metaphor, image, symbol- as it is used in the prophets of the Old Testament and elsewhere. Before the gospel is a word, it is silence, a kind of presenting of life itself so that we may see it not for what at times we call it - meaningless or meaningful, absurd, beautiful- but for what is truly is in all its complexity, simplicity, mystery.

To think of nakedness is to think of how we hide it from each other and ourselves, I speak of clothes not just as hypocrisy and disguise, though sometimes its that for all of us, God knows, but of clothes as essential to survival because we cannot endure too much nakedness any more than we can endure too much silence, which strips us naked.When Jesus says " Take up your cross and follow me," I think that he is saying before it means some special mission or sacrifice of responsibility, it simple means take up the burden of your own life because for the time being anyway, maybe that is burden enough. Take it up in the sense of ...touch it and taste it and listen to it, look at yourself and your own life and smell the smell of your morality and nakedness.

When they brought Jesus to the place where his dead friend (Lazarus) lay, Jesus wept. It is very easy to sentimentalize the scene and very tempting because to sentimentalize the scene is to look only at the emotion in it and at the emotion it stirs in us rather than at the reality of it, which we are always tempted not to look at because reality, truth, silence are all what we are not much good at and avoid when we can. To sentimentalize something is to savor rather than to suffer the sadness of it, is to sigh over the prettiness of it rather than to tremble at the beauty of it, which may make fearsome demands of us or pose fearsome threats. Here as he stands beside the body of his dead friend he has no form of comeliness about him that we should desire him, as one from whom men hid their faces we turn fro him. To see a man weep is no comely sight, especially this man whom we want to be stronger and braver than a man, and the impulse is to turn from him as we turn from anyone who weeps because the sight of real tears, painful and disfiguring, forces us to look to their source where we do not choose to look because where his tears come from, our tears come from too.

Jesus has shared with us the darkness of what it is to be without God as well as showing forth the glory of what it is to be with God. He speaks about it, and perhaps that is much of why, although we have not followed him very well these past two thousand years or so , we have never quite been able to stop listening to him. To speak out of the darkness and to weep as Jesus wept, maybe only then can the reality of the other word become real to us, the word which to the darkness upon the face of the deep is "God said let there be light, and there was light." which to all those who labor and are heave laden is "i will give you rest" To preach the word of human tragedy, of a world where men can at best see God only dimly and from afar, because it is truth and because it is a word which must be spoken as prelude if the other word is to become sacramental and real, too, which is the word that God has overcome the dark world....

Basement postage.

I think there are moments when you realize that you are growing up.

maybe I'll experience them the rest of my life. I dont really know.

I do, however, know that life is composed of these moments that show us the fabric of our making.

When I was a senior in high school, my best friend had a boyfriend who was one of those guys that you thought might be really kind and nice but as it turned out he was an ass. He was a year older than us and changed when he went to college, he broke her heart and the breakup happened around may. I remember I picked her up and we drove around our small town in oklahoma. We listened to Barnes first version of graces amazing hands(on repeat) the whole night and when I hear that song today I still think of that night. We went to this park and sat under a Gazebo and talked about it for a couple hours and then we started laughing till our sides ached. A couple friends of ours came by and we sat there in the dark together. Eventually everything got pretty quiet and we all sat with our own thoughts and kind of let the silence settle between us.


My first year in college was like a thunderstorm, loud and quiet, peaceful and unnerving all at once. My second semester more than anything. I lived in a girl dorm and became good friends with a lot of the girls on the first floor. Everyone was kind of going through hard things and there was this one time when one of my friends and I went on a walk together just to get a breather. There is a street in nashville that runs past belmont. Its lined with houses with these huge trees, its a perfect walking street. I remember we both didn't know each other that well and we kind of exploded with these stories that were going on in our life and on our way back we stopped inside a church that should have been locked, but wasn't. We went inside and sat in the pews. We must of stayed there for a couple hours playing on the piano and talking about Jesus and how we really didn't understand him half the time. I remember not feeling alone for the first time in a really long time and it was this warm feeling that reminded me what it means to be a human.

The other day I was visiting my friend. She has a small child, a little boy. He was running in and out of the house; to the kitchen then to the porch and back again like his actions were on repeat. we were talking casually in the kitchen and he fell coming into the house. It was really sad actually. She didn't quite see his face because her back was to the door. His little eyes looked at me and quickly filled with these huge alligator tears and as soon as she heard him fall....she quickly without finishing her sentence walked over, sat on the ground... at his level and scooped him into her arms. She rocked back and forth began talking to him in a voice that only he could hear. He just laid there for a few moments and let her hold him. Then he opened his eyes and smiled at her and went on playing. She picked up her sentence where she left it and we kept talking. That night, I was driving home and that image kept replaying in my head. It was as if some hope inside me believes that God is like that.

Moments just happen to us. They shape us in the weirdest ways. They can come while you are standing in line to get coffee or while your brushing your teeth at night. It can be in a word or a hug, and something inside you shifts. Its like a constant shaping. All of a sudden our eyes are open to the humanity inside of us and we can feel these movements going on, its really weird, painful, and beautiful... all at the same time.

I hope they keep coming.

Chimney

I have a friend, her name is Holly. My brothers wifes name is Holly but she is not whom I’m talking about. My friend is living in Ecuador for a year and keeps a blog that many of us, her friends, often read. They are short inlength but wonderful in depth and description. She describes her experiences and memories with beauty and honesty. I pretty much devour every word she writes. I don't think she would say out loud that she has a way with words but she is one of the few people I know that can tell a story that wraps around you like a blanket. Her eyes light up when she talks and she tells stories like she is on a merry go round spinning pass those who will listen. She tells the first layer of a story and when she passes by again tells the next and the next until you can hear the tones of peoples voices and see the lines in their faces. She has comedic timing that is very much her own and sounds cool when she curses. A dying breed if you ask me.

I met Holly a little over two years ago. She lived in a house with some other Vanderbilt girls she went to school with. They graduated in may and slowly left Nashville over the summer. I was a year behind them and as August approached I was unsure how to start the year knowing that they wouldn't be as frequent visitors in my life. They used to live right down the street in a house together. (Now we all know that in Nashville there can’t be more than 5 girls living in a house together or its considered a brothel, in other words its illegal.)

8 people lived in their house. It was amazing.

It was always full of laughter and conversation, I remember my first visit like it was 5 minutes ago. I walked in and could hear thunderstorms of footsteps going on upstairs, people were getting ready to go to the Justin Timberlake concert and at the same time gathering in someone’s room to watch an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Further in the house I heard someone listening to Ludacris and rewinding the same verse over and over again, as if they were trying to memorize it. I was in love.

A friend of mine asked me the other day how I met all of these girls and at first I felt like I had always known them in some way because when I am with them it feels like that, but then I realize its been close to 2 years since I have really been getting to know them.

I also, have a friend named Kristen who has opened her life to us but on Friday she opens her home for all of us college folk to come by and to enjoy in some cookies and quality conversation. That’s where I met my chimney friends.I call them chimney friends as do others because that is what they named their house, which consequently did not/ does not have a chimney.

Fridays were my favorite day of the week. They were scheduled to start at 5pm but all of us would find our way to Kristens around 5:30. We were always greeted with the smell of fresh chocolate chip cookies and cold organic milk. After we all devoured the cookies we would gather on the blue couch in the living room and begin what others might call bible study but what I can only describe as tasting community. I could sit next to any of these women in the room and see truth in them when they spoke. I could also see heartache, suffering, passions, dreams, excitement, joy, hope etc. The only reason I could see that was because they allowed me to, they were the most transparent people I've met and I think might have the privilege to know. (If any of them are reading this, they are probably shaking their heads thinking they weren't... but to me, they were.) They are all out saving the world at the moment. One in Ecuador, Two in Nashville, One in San Antonio, San Francisco, St. Lewis, Fayetteville and lastly somewhere in South Asia. And I mean that they are saving the world. You would only have to meet them once to know I wasn't lying.


The tone of this blog is a bit more serious... but for me, part of saying goodbye to people is remembering what they mean to you. These friends helped me to believe and to hope in the fact that community is real and its around us whether we notice it or not, its one of the most important things in our life that lets us know we are loved and not alone. Saying goodbye to people you tasted community with is knowing that its not the end, its really just a pause until the next moment you see their face. I hope wherever my friends are that they remember mine and know that for all who knew and loved them here in Nashville, we remember them often and praise God for them constantly.

Top 5

So I never got around to posting pictures. I know... I know.

However, I was talking with one of my friends today and I started listing things that I had read in the past year so I decided to make a top 5 list. But not just one good people. A top 5 list of Movies, Books, and Records. Here is the rule... anything you choose has to be something that you listened/read/watched in the last year.

Here I go...

Movies
1. Juno
2. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (saw it for the first time in October or something.. I was obsessed)
3. Wall-e
4. Groundhog Day
5.The Bourne Ultimatum

Books
Fredrick Beuchner - Telling the Truth; The Gospel as Comedy, Trajedy and Fairy Tale.
Rob Bell- Sex God
C.S. Lewis- A Grief Observed
Anne Lammott- Traveling Mercies
Hannah Hurnard- Hinds Feet on High Places

Records
Coldplay- Viva La Vida
The Weepies- Hideaway
Katie Herzig- Apple Tree
William Fitzsimmons- Goodnight
Jon Foreman- Fall, Summer, Spring, and Winter Ep's
Matthew Perryman Jones- Swallow the Sea
Mindy Smith- My holiday
Aaron Roche-Travel *
Feist- The Reminder
Boniver- For Emma, Forever Ago
Jars of Clay - Closer Ep

*not on itunes, check myspace/aaronroche

I know I listed more on the Records than I was sappost to... but I just couldn't stop... I actually had around 20 down but decided to show some restraint. Also, these are no in order of preference... I would definately not put any of these records on the bottom of any list.

Senior or Freshman

I am back in nashvegas. Its good to be home.

I don't know how faithful I will be to this as the year progresses, however I think a recap from the summer is appropriate. Of course there will be favorite pictures included. That will have to come later because I am using the Library computer as of right now because the internet at my house isn't working.

I really enjoyed my time in London because it was completely new and the first time I was really exploring a city and having an adventure. I mean coming to college is different. Your parents take you, Belmont parents you the first year and its so small that its impossible to not meet people. However, going abroad is different. New culture,food, transportation, customs, everything. Even though they spoke my language they didn't understand me half the time.

After London, I went to Italy with my parents. We had a fun time and visited places that I had always seen in books, the sistine chapel was one of my favorite moments as well as lake como. I didn't really go to southern italy but more so the central part and northern area. Despite all the adjusting i learned a lot and had time to think about this next year as well as my whole college experience. I feel very blessed for everything that has come my way, the good and bad and I can't wait for the next year to start. It all seems very overwhelming but what year hasn't since I've been here, I think its all going to be okay.

pictures to come.
love.